Teisel Bonne Vs. the Map

Chapter 3 - Things Get Weird Around the Gesellschaft

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Servbot #36: (who is narrating, by the way.) About three weeks passed since Master Teisel first reported seeing this "map." After a while, we began to get used to it. But all that changed one Wednesday... (Teisel is sitting in his room watching his favorite show. The Map is sitting on the couch.)

Map: I'm the MAP!

Teisel: Shut up I'm missing the good part!

Tron: (knocks on the door.) Teisel, I've baked some cookies! Do you want any?

Teisel: Wha-what did you just say?

Tron: I asked if you wanted any cookies!

Teisel: Oh...for a minute there I thought you said, "I'm the map."

Tron: Why would I say a thing like that?

Teisel: Maybe I was distracted...this is my favorite show, after all.

Tron: Come to think of it, I still don't know

what your favorite show is.

Teisel: Um...do you really need to know?

Tron: I'm a bit curious... (Begins to open the door.)

Teisel: NOOOOOOO! (Teisel makes a mad dash for the door, however, the Map dives in front of him and knocks him aside. The door swings open and Tron can be seen staring at the television screen. A second later, she begins to laugh hysterically.)

Tron: Hahahaha...I...hahahahahaha...can't believe...hahahahahaha...you watch...hahahaha...

(On TV) A certain PURPLE DINOSAUR: I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...

(Back in Teisel's room) Tron: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait until I tell Bon this!

Teisel: No...don't... (Tron walks out of the room laughing her head off.)

Teisel: Now look what you've done!

Map: (Grinning.) I'M THE MAP!!!!!

Teisel: Oh well, Barney's over anyway. I'll go see what #28's up to.

Map: Map? (follows Teisel to the Deck, where #28 is playing soccer with #4.)

Servbot #28: Hello Master Teisel! How are you today?

(At this point, the scene freezes and #36 butts in.)

Servbot #36: As of now, to avoid confusion, an asterisk [*] will be placed before a person's name when indicating what Master Teisel is hearing the other characters say. Thank you for your cooperation. (Runs off and everything starts moving again.)

Teisel: Just fine. And you?

Servbot #28: Guess what? I just thought of a new plan and you'll love it!

*Servbot #28: Guess what? I'm the map!

Teisel: (Blinks) I'm sorry, could you repeat that, please?

*Servbot #28: I said I'm the map!

Teisel: I...don't believe this...my favorite Servbot...trying to make me go crazy...imitating that map...(trying to hold back tears).HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF EVERY DAY YOU WERE TORMENTED BY A MAP NOBODY ELSE COULD SEE?

Servbot #28: (Sniffling) But...Master Teisel...I didn't say anything about a map!

*Servbot #28: Map map map map map!

Teisel: AHHHHH! (Grabs #28)

Servbot #28: Master Teisel, what are you doing?

Teisel: Stop this foolishness at once or I'll throw you off the Gesselschaft!

Servbot #28: But I'm not doing anything! I swear!

*Servbot #28: MAP!!!

Teisel: Sorry, #28...you always were my favorite Servbot...but... (throws him over the side of the deck.)

Map: I'M THE MAP!

Teisel: STOP FOLLOWING ME YOU DUMB MAP! (Attempts to grab the map, but his hands pass right through him.)

Map: I'm the map!

Teisel: Grrrrr...

Tron: Teisel, have you seen #28? He was supposed to be cleaning my room, and since he's your favorite Servbot I thought you might know where he ran off to.

*Tron: I'm the map! MAP! MAP!

Map: First you have to go around the big rock...

Teisel: Tron, what are you saying?

Tron: WHERE'S #28!?

*Tron: I'M THE MAP!?

Teisel: Tron...no, not you too! I need to get away... (Runs down to the engine room, which is currently deserted.) They won't be able to get me here...(laughs insanely.) (All of a sudden...)

Map: (Appears right in front of Teisel's face) I'M THE MAP!!!

Teisel: AAHHHHH! I have to get rid of this map somehow! (All of a sudden, another "map" walks into the room. It's really Bon Bonne.

Bon: Babu! (Hi Teisel! Can I have some cheese?)

*Bon: Map!

Teisel: Not another Map! I'm through with you! I'll blow all of you to smithereens! (Pulls out a bazooka and aims it at Bon.)

Bon: Babuuu!!! (Teisel, what are you doing? I'm Bon! Your brother! Don't shoot me! I only wanted cheese!)

Teisel: Say good night! (Fires the bazooka. Bon blows up and his head rolls around on the ground like in Mega Man Legends.)

Bon: Ba...bu... (Teisel runs off with his bazooka with the real Map following him holding a cup of espresso.)

Servbot #36: Master Teisel went on a rampage after that, destroying everyone and everything he saw, thinking it was the map. Soon half the rooms were destroyed and the Gesselschaft was beginning to fall apart. Tron and Bon decided to hold a secret meeting in the remains of Bon's room.

Bon: (whose head was taped back onto his body) Babu... (We need to do something about Teisel before he destroys the Gesselschaft!)

Tron: (Who looked like she did after the Feldynaught and Crabbot Battles) .I need a vacation. (Coughs.)

Bon: Babu! Babu! Babu! (Say, I heard there's this great place called The Nameless Theme Park of Mizarp Township! Maybe we could go there!)

Tron: Great idea! Let's go! (Tron and Bon gather up all their refractors and head off.)

Servbot #36: Shortly after they left... (The Gesselschaft is now two planks floating in the sky. On one is Teisel, holding his bazooka and a mini TV. On the other is the Map and the espresso machine. Everything on this board has been blasted except for a small circle around the map and the espresso machine.)

Map: I'M THE MAP!

Teisel: Can it. I'm trying to watch this show.

(On TV) Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to another live episode of Cooking With Rosie! (At this point the old lady from the Kattelox Book Shop walks slowly onto the set.)

Rosie: Alright. Today, we will be making Casserole Surprise. First you take the egg.(Rosie slowly reaches for the egg, finally picks it up, then drops it.) Slippery, these eggs are. (She picks up the egg and slowly drops it into the blender. Even the egg falls in as if in slow-motion.) Now blend the egg in the blender. (She slowly presses the button and the blender begins to spin EXTREMELY SLOWLY-big surprise there.) Now when that's done...you take a bottle of ketchup like so...and squeeze it into the blender... (The live audience is asleep. All of a sudden, a brick flies out of nowhere and hits Rosie on the head. Rosie is knocked unconscious and the audience wakes up as the Map hops onto the set.)

Map: MAP!!! (Back at what's left of the Gesselschaft.)

Teisel: (Flips the station) Boring.

(On TV) Dora: (Walks onstage with Boots.) Hmm...we need to get to the big pointy stick to help Mr. Dung Beetle get to his family.

Boots: But where IS the big pointy stick?

(All of a sudden, a blue cursor flies across the screen and clicks on the side pocket of Dora's backpack.)

Dora: Good thinking! We can find out how to get to the big pointy stick by using the map!

Boots: Say Map! Say Map! (After a long pause, out of Dora's backpack pops...a roll of toilet paper?)

Toilet Paper: (In a dull voice.) I'm the toilet paper. (A long pause.) I wipe people's butts. (Another long pause. All of a sudden, the blue cursor flies across the screen again and clicks on a question mark that has just appeared at the top of the screen.)

Dora: Um...the map is out on a rampage now, and this is the best replacement we could get...sorry...

Toilet Paper: Okay! I'm not the map! Sue me! Crummy job, @#^$*3$%...(all of a sudden, the screen goes black.)

Announcer: ...Instead of our regularly scheduled program, we are proud to bring you today's live episode of Cooking with Rosie. (Back at the Gesselschaft)

Teisel: (quickly flips the channel.) Seen it.

Servbot #36: While Teisel was busy trying to find a television station that did not show Cooking with Rosie, the news reporters were busy trying to get the latest story on the pirate who went insane and blew up his own ship to rid himself of an invisible pest.

News reporter from the KTOX news: Newscasters around the world are baffled by what has just happened. One of the most dangerous pirates in the world has gone mad. Teisel Bonne, along with his sister Tron and his brother Bon, has been one of the most feared pirates in the past ten years. What could possibly push him into doing such a...strange...thing? We have with us right now one of Teisel's many followers. Mr. #28, could you please tell us what happened?

Servbot #28: (sobbing hysterically).One day...Master Teisel said he saw this talking map...with a face...and it talked...but no one else could see it. Then a few weeks later he thought I was saying, "I'm the Map," but I wasn't! And he...he...threw me out the window! Luckily, this girl in a red hat took me home to her ship and fixed me up...but I'm worried about Master Teisel. (All of a sudden, the Inspector from the Kattelox police station comes running onto the scene.)

Inspector: Did you say a map with a face?

Servbot #28: Y-yes!

Inspector: That map has been wanted for a long time now. Since nobody can see the Map except those unfortunate few who happen to like the television program "Barney the Dinosaur," as well as cast members of "Dora the Explorer," we have been having trouble tracking him down. But if you could possibly take us up to what's left of the ship, we'll be able to get that Map in the paper shredder where it belongs!"

Roll: If you like, I could take you up there in my ship, the Flutter!

Inspector: That would be great. (They both take off and within minutes capture the Map.)

Map: I'M THE MAP!!!!! (The Map is hauled away. All of a sudden, a Drache pulls up beside the Gesselschaft. Tron dashes out, followed by Bon.) Tron: Teisel! (Hugs Teisel) I was so worried! I thought you'd gone insane and were going to blow up everything and we would have had to live in The Nameless Theme Park of Mizarp Township and...

Teisel: Everything's going to be okay from now on...as soon as we make enough money to repair the Gesselschaft, everything will be back to normal!

Bon: Babu! (I want cheese again.)

Tron: I'm glad Teisel's not crazy again too!

Bon: (angrily) Babu, babu, babububu! (I did NOT say anything about Teisel! I said I want cheese!) (All of a sudden, the KTOX News comes on.)

News Lady: Viewers, we have a special bulletin! (Grabs a piece of paper from offscreen.) It appears that formerly insane pirate Teisel Bonne watches the television program "Barney the Dinosaur." That is all.

Teisel: (Kicks the TV, which explodes on impact.) You did NOT hear that.

Servbot #36: A few months later, the Gesselschaft was rebuilt and the Bonnes were on their way to pillage another unsuspecting island.

Teisel: Alright, prepare to launch the Draches!

Servbots #1-4: Roger!

Tron: You know...I've been thinking about what happened a few months ago and.

Teisel: Shut up. Don't remind me of that.

Tron: But Teisel!

Teisel: TRON!

Tron: I'm just glad everything's turned out all right.

Teisel: Me too. I am NEVER watching Barney again. Now I have a new favorite show.

Tron: I'm afraid.

Bon: Babu! (Yum! This is good cheese!) (Bon, Tron, and Teisel go their separate ways.)

Teisel: Boy am I glad that's over with. (All of a sudden.)

*A voice not far off: Backpack, backpack! Backpack, backpack!

(Teisel has stopped walking and he's twitching.)

Teisel: Oh noooo...

THE END...OR IS IT?

DUNDUNDUUUUUNNNNN...

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